Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Truly, madly...deeply....not going on your guilt trip

Entering week 3 of Boundary School...or "my new normal" or whatever it is going to be called...Ya know that feeling you get when you see somebody that you TRULY, madly, ENJOY being around and how you get all giddy and happy inside?  And when you know that you are going to see the person on a particular day you absolutely cannot wait for that day to arrive?  Now take that giddy, happy, can't wait feeling and apply it to my workshop.  I have cut a LOT of the junk out that I used to make.  Now, mind you, it wasn't junk, it was just items that I was making because customers wanted them or because people suggested that it would be a good "booth filler"...NOT because that was what made my heart soar or what I enjoyed or what God really wanted me to employ my gifts and talents doing.  This week, I can truly say that I absolutely cannot wait each day to get to my work.  I enjoy it.  Each day, there is not the long list of "Oh my goodness I have to make 10 bazillion of item xyz for this show I'm doing in 2 months".  Nope.  Each day it is, I am working on "THIS", whatever it is...and if that is the only thing I get done all day in my workshop, then so be it.  But it is done with joy and happiness and to the absolute best of my ability and with attention to the little details.  Not just assembly-lined together like a bunch of Made in a SweatShop type of things. 

I've even been under the weather a bit the past few days and still coming into my workshop has been peaceful and stress-RELIEVING.  Used to be, if I didn't feel well, coming to work would make my headaches worse and my stomach knot up more because I knew I wasn't working at my premium speed and I would stress about quantity.  Not anymore.  I don't care about quantity.  I may have only 1 item in my booths at my stores when I re-open after Affair of the Heart, but by golly, it is gonna be beautiful, it is gonna be awesome and amazing and it will be done well.  The store owners may not like that, but it will be what it will be.  I am constantly getting harped on that I "need more inventory".  I expect that complaint anymore because I've heard it so much.  And I used to let it weigh me down because I felt like I was failing them.  I may very well be failing their expectations.  But I don't have to answer to that.  If they are not happy with it, then I suppose they can ask me to leave, and I will oblige.  It would be sad.  But it would be understandable.  And fair.  This is a part of my life that I am reconciling right now.  I'm working through the "guilt trips" that I've been on with outsiders and frankly these are not the types of vacations I enjoy.  I've already cut a few of these trips out of my life, but there are still a few others that need to have their "agendas" checked before I board that ship for that voyage again.  In the meantime, I have a creation to go work on....

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