When I had the second stroke, which seems like eons ago now even though it was just 2 months ago yesterday that I came home from the hospital, I was running my business of creating things out of my home. I had stuff scattered here and there. The Warden, aka Tommy, quickly relegated all of that stuff to the back two bedrooms where it was meant to stay originally anyway, just so I wouldn't have it sitting in front of my face taunting me and making me feel guilty that I wasn't working on it. It created a more peaceful feeling in our main living area of our home, I will admit. However, I have been chomping at the bit wanting to get back to creating and each evening after he has already worked a hard day at work and taken me to therapy, I ramble on to Tommy about things that I have thought up to work on and create.
The other evening he and I were eating dinner and as we sat across from each other at the dinner table, him listening to me ramble about how I wanted to get better so that I could do this craft show and that craft show and going on about how I was going to build my business bigger and bigger and bigger because I was going to be even stronger. He looked at me and said, "why?" A simple question. Just "Why?" I think I was in shock for a minute from this question because I actually stopped rambling and looked at him and said, "well why not? Isn't that what small businesses are supposed to do? Grow bigger and bigger?" I could tell that perhaps, without knowing it, he had been percolating the things that he said next in the back of his head.
The next thing he said (or I heard anyway, God has a way of taking some people's words and twisting them into what He needs you to hear) was, "Why can't you just be content. Can you just be content? We are not flashy people, we don't need extravagant things. We are provided for with my income. We have built our lives so that we are safe and stable and secure. It is your job to get healthy, get strong, and enjoy creating rather than jump back into the madness of it all. Can you just be content in what God's provided for us already rather than trying to chase the world?" As I sat there in stunned silence, his phone rang or the doorbell rang or something broke up the moment, but every since that conversation, I have been thinking about those words and wondering....why can't we all just be content in what God's provided?
God allowed me to have two strokes. They were not ideal, they were not wanted, but they were necessary. I know that sounds weird, but it is the truth. Stroke number 1, I firmly believe was to pull Tommy and I back together. You see he was working like a crazy madman on a project at work and was pulling in 50-60 hours per week. I was busy doing a bazillion orders, keeping up with 4 retail locations and doing every stinking show that was presented to me because for the love of Mary & Joseph I couldn't say, "no" because I thought that that was what I was supposed to do. He was not enjoying his work and I was starting to dread creating some of my stuff because it was becoming very assembly-line, no heart attached, type of creations. We usually ate fast food and often argued about whose turn it was to do the laundry or whatever. The first stroke was a wake up call. Stroke number 2 was God putting the finishing touches on the work that He had started. I would have never known about some of the medical issues that we've discovered since the second stroke. I would have never changed rheumatologists, even though my previous one was not ideal for my health. And I would have never realized exactly how big of a cheerleader for me that my husband truly is.
He goes to every doctor's appointment and every therapy session and is there with positive reinforcement and affirmation every new, unsteady step I have taken. And no matter what the therapy plan turns out looking like long term, I know, without a doubt that God has a bigger plan for both of us. We just have to wait until tomorrow's PT session and be content in the here and now.
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